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April 27, 2005



The stuff I'm drawn to is by people who:

#1 Do not avoid the Dark Side. Not evil-dark, but unknown-scary-and-oft-times-avoided-dark. Those are the ones I keep coming back to.

2 respond to me. If I post alot, that means I'm resonating and my apetite is whetted. If no one responds to me I feel teased and I don't come back. I'm a responder. I need other responders.

3 Don't talk about their marriage and children much. This is either my own personal hipocrisy OR I'm simply holding out until I find people who will really get honest and talk about the dark aspects of it. Marriage and family have not been fulfilling or rewarding for me so I can't relate to anything people say when they talk about how wonderful and terrific and blessed and sweet it all is. I just don't have anything good to say to them. I don't really want to dump toxic waste, but I need a safe place to take the rotten bandages off and get some healing. Haven't found anything yet. Very disappointing.

4 Integrate thinking, feeling and relating well. I can juggle alot of abstractions at once and well (provided I have enough tea in me and I'm not interrupted constantly) and I need to talk to like minded folk who don't get attitudes about it and who know how to really persist until there's resolution. Unity is important to me and I like people who share that value about all the complex things we have to deal with. But they also need to be able to tell on themselves, because I don't trust people who hide in abstractions and disassociate from their life experiences. This is a tall order, I know.

5 Don't talk about what they did or heard in church alot. I don't go to church right now. I'm not ready to go back. What I want now is community, not church. So I'm up for theory and examples but not blow by blow updates or what jag the Pastor is on this week.

This means that I mostly hang out with blokes because women tend to want to integrate the marriage and children thing in too, and I just can't. I would like to, but there's just no one around who is ready to meet me at the bottom, so I'd rather just skip it.

Also this list makes me sound really judgmental and stand-offish, but that's not how I am at all. I don't go places that I don't like and stick my nose up or dump criticisms all over them (except one I did last week because of the expectation/need vs. effort/lack of response ratio was so off balance - but I can't remember the last time I did that.). I just slink off to someplace where I'm less likely to disturb people.

I have the same experience in my local world too. While there are alot of things I can talk to people about, when folks bring up those other things, I just defer to others and don't have much to say. There would be times in church where I'd be surrounded by people but feel more alone than if I were sitting in my room alone at home. Sometimes I would go into the lady's room and just sit on one of the chairs to avoid the convos that make me feel inadequate and stupid because there were none where I felt challenged and as if I had something to contribute.

rev mommy

I read two different lists -- one only women (mostly clergy or seminary students) and one of my buddies. Then I have the third list that I read once a week or so. I don't read a lot of political stuff -- I don't read bashers (of either the liberal or conservative variety). I don't read the mushy mommy stuff. Or the teeny-bopper stuff. It has to have some meat and some connection to where I'm at.



i resonate with both your lists. I had a year where I was too hurt by and scared of Christians to go to church, and then another 6 months where going to church involved gritting my teeth in determination. That has passed now and I love my funny little church. (I do hope that you're able to tell a similar story in due course whitewave).

So, yes a blog with a 'warts and all person' not just a set of opinions, but some meat as Rev Mommmy suggests.


Yeah, I hope I'll be able to get back soon too. I'm so afraid that I'd be a destructive force. I don't want that. I want to be constructive and helpful. But sometimes when I feel surrounded by dysfunction, I just lose it. That's not good for anyone involved. I hope I calm down soon.

I totally forgot about the polemic issue. I hate polemic. Hate it. Hate. [Get it? Hate polemic? Get it?] Yeah. Really tired of it. I live with it in my home and am so naturally NOT that way that I feel like an animal in a cage being prodded constantly. I just need to get away.


Caroline I like your comments about "shades" because not only does a bit of writing have flavour but also shades of colour. Firstly I like to feel the honesty of the writing, secondly the relativity of it feeling wise to connect with or challenge my own feelings, or thought processes and I love writing that will make me sit with questions of my own afterwards.
Writing that takes me deep sea diving into life - whatever part of life that is, is always interesting.
THerefore I read a balance of male/female written blogs in order to find those things. At first I found it strange that men didn't come to comment on my own blog and yet as I have moved through my own inner layers there is a balance and men and women commenting.
True colours must be a blend of them all because each will speak to the mind, body or heart.

susie albert miller

after a long journey, i have learned to ask two questions: what do i need? this guides which blogs i read, whose writing and way of life-reading will touch my needs at that time, bringing me insight, challenge, respite, teaching, inspiration, laughter, tears...

second question: what can i offer? this guides where i may go to comment, to check in on another's journey, in order to hold ithem in prayer, to learn from them as well...yet, as i think about your question, and even as i write my answer there are male and female blogs that come to mind...i need to muse on this one a bit more...(now i have broken both the one sentence and the but/contradiction criteria of conversation in your post below;)...so more later;) great question!


Total addict...Visit nearly all those listed on my sidebar, plus rather too many more, on a daily basis...specially when I should be doing something else.Don't have any particular method to it; with very few exceptions, the only ones of my friends who blog are working in a Christian context of some sort, so I suppose they are all to some extent "faith blogs"...
I kind of feel I ought to respond in some way to Whitewave's feelings re smug motherhood, as I'm very aware that I only tend to mention family life when it's going well (largely because mine isn't an anonymous blog, and it feels unfair to catalogue our domestic ills when only one other member of the family blogs, so the view will be essentially one sided). So, I guess all I can do is apologise, really. It's not all perfect, but I can't think that it would be helpful to anyone to air the imperfections much :-(


An ENFP, huh? Yeah. I'm an E/INTJ when I'm obeying all the rules, but when I do the test the way I want to (skipping the questions that I feel pressure me to choose where in reality I actually refuse to choose...), I don't really score anything. I fall right in the middle of all of 'em. Doing it my way shows more about my problem than anything. Refusing to choose because I see all sides often leaves me with no ground to stand on and nothing to say. That's my big problem.

Anyhoo, Kathryn, I hope you don't think I'm targetting anyone with my comment. I'm not. Happy Mothers should blog so that other Happy Mothers can read and enjoy. It's like the "scrapbooking" craze here in the States. Whenever I hear women talking about that, I turn on my heels and walk briskly in the other direction. There's lots of it around here. How wonderful for them. I don't want to dump on them or rob them of their happiness.

But I'm really tired of feeling isolated and would like to see someone set up a hospital just for women who aren't having success and who aren't happy. We're bleeding and dying. Alone. That would be INFINITELY helpful for me. I think it is a very, very common assumption that airing failure and disappointment is not helpful. Very common. Like the ancient urban legend of "melancholy". People thought it was a contageous disease, so people just became more isolated and more insane and died. Very sad.


I agree with you, "There are guys out there who write beautifully. But I notice that there are more shades in the women's blogs."

I find myself being drawn more to women's blogs who are openly honest about their spiritual walk, concerning their growth and what they perceive as areas to grow in.

The shades and nuances touched upon in these women's blogs bring about an emotional and spiritual introspection of self...which in turn produces a new awareness and growth in me concerning God and myself.

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